#119: this too, shall pass
Jan. 2nd, 2017 06:03 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sweetestjonginTitle: this too, shall pass
Pairing(s): Kai/Sehun
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Length: 3k
Warning(s):Poop talk (it's not as bad as it sounds.)
Summary: Sehun never would’ve imagined proposing to his boyfriend would be so… messy.
Author's Note: This is probably one of the most crackest fics I've ever written -- please don't take this AU too seriously, it wasn't written to be taken that way.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“You’ve been watching me like a hawk since we sat down for breakfast.”
“Wow, can’t I look at my beautiful boyfriend without there being some ulterior motive? Fine, I won’t look at you anymore.” Sehun clenches his eyes shut, the image of the smiling man sat opposite replaced disappearing into a black void.
He’d much rather be looking at his handsome boyfriend if he’s honest but there’s a reason why Jongin calls him “Mr. Stubborn’, often taking extreme measures to stand his ground. Though, Sehun isn’t really sure what point he’s trying to make right now—or how flying blind will help his cause—but he’ll be damned if he sits around doing nothing when his boyfriend has so brazenly accused him of acting shifty.
With his eyes still closed, Sehun tries to eat his cereal. He feels the spoon come into contact with something solid and makes a scooping motion before raising it to his mouth. His brows furrow when his tongue touches the cool stainless steel and nothing else. He repeats the action another time, attempting to find his bowl of his probably now soggy Cap'n Crunch. He fails for the second time. Setting his spoon down onto the table, he exhales heavily. “See what you’ve done? Now I’m going to go hungry because I can’t see where my cereal is.”
Sehun hears a chair scraping across the floor but he refuses to open his eyes. Expecting Jongin to feed him, Sehun parts his mouth open slightly. The room falls silent for a second, two seconds, three seconds. Convinced that Jongin had actually abandoned him instead, Sehun schemes to hunt down his boyfriend (and tickle him relentlessly). Before he can execute his plan, Sehun feels a warm pair of lips pressed onto his. Kissing his boyfriend back, Sehun feels Jongin smile against his mouth.
“Well, you know what they say, right? Losing one sense heightens the others,” Jongin purrs into Sehun’s ear, his hot breath tickling the back of Sehun’s neck.
As much as Sehun is enjoying the sensation, there are more important matters at hand. “Wait, wait, wait. You should finish your cereal first,” Sehun says, gasping when Jongin nips at his earlobe.
“I already have. Gonna hop in the shower now,” Jongin tells him, capturing Sehun’s lips with his own. “You should join me,” he adds seductively before making his exit out of the kitchen, leaving a stunned Sehun in his wake.
When Sehun hears the bathroom door close, he finds it odd that Jongin has yet to mention anything. Sehun reaches over the table and slides Jongin’s empty cereal bowl toward him. He frowns when he finds it empty.
“Fuck!”
“So, Mr. Oh, do you have any questions or concerns about what I’ve just told you?” the doctor asks with a warm smile.
The man, Dr. Kim Junmyeon, isn’t nearly as intimidating as Sehun had been expecting. The doctor appears to be in his mid thirties, smartly dressed, and spoke with a soft gentle voice. Sehun had envisioned fleeing the room in nought point eight seconds flat, not wanting to stay longer than necessary. But there’s an aura that Dr. Kim exudes that makes Sehun feel welcomed, as though they’ve been lifelong friends and weren’t total strangers a mere ten minutes prior.
“Yes, just one really.” The unwavering of his voice surprises Sehun, he’s usually a bumbling nervous wreck whenever there’s a stethoscope in sight. “Do you have any advice on how to collect someone’s poop without their knowledge?”
The doctor frowns, a less than warm expression that had marred his features a mere moment earlier. “I don’t understand.”
“See, the thing is, I was going to propose to my boyfriend. But I wanted to surprise him, so I hid it in his cereal and I think he ate it without realising?” Sehun tries his best to explain the situation as best as he can without hyperventilating and passing out. Although, if he did, at least there’d be a doctor nearby.
The bright expression on the doctor’s face is no longer present, an unsettling harsh look in its stead. Sehun shifts uncomfortably in his seat; he can feel the doctor’s piercing stare boring holes into his body.
Sehun never would’ve thought his surprise proposal would backfire in such a manner. Who swallows a ring without even realising? Seriously? Does Jongin not chew when he eats? When the man had emerged from the bathroom, Sehun had no idea how to notify his boyfriend—potential future fiancé—about what had just transpired.
A stunned Sehun made a knee jerk reaction to keep his mouth shut and leave Jongin in the dark. Devising a plan to extract the wedding ring secretly, Jongin would never need to find out. However, unable to come up with a feasible strategy to remedy the predicament on his own, Sehun had two options: seek the advice of a medical professional or turn to his trusty old pal, the internet. Fearing the search engine would yield traumatic images—far too graphic for his sensitive eyeballs—Sehun had opted for the former. Visiting a clinic may not have been the ideal situation but Sehun deemed it to be the lesser of two evils at the time.
Maybe images of human feces would’ve been the better alternative, after all.
“Let me get this straight, you are not the one who swallowed the ring?” Dr. Kim asks, gently tapping a pen against the table.
Sehun shakes his head, avoiding the man’s gaze.
“Your boyfriend did?”
Sehun nods his head, eyes transfixed on the doctor’s pen.
“But your boyfriend is unaware that he’s swallowed a ring?”
Sehun shakes his head again.
“And you haven’t told him about it?”
Sehun bites his lower lip and clenches his fist to stop his hands from trembling. “I’m scared to,” he admits, his voice meek and timid. He can feel the beads of sweat forming on his forehead and his stomach churning from being so nervous. “Do you think that maybe I could remove it when he’s sleeping? Like using a turkey baster? In your opinion, do you think that would work?”
“Put it back, Sehunnie. We already have rice at home.”
Sehun looks at the basmati and brown rice he’s holding, a bag in each hand. He begrudgingly places the bags back onto the shelf. He should’ve conducted more research as to which grains had a higher fiber content. He’s pretty sure brown rice is supposed to be healthier but he doesn’t know if that equates to better for your digestive system. It probably does, right? Sehun sneaks one a bag of brown rice into the trolley when Jongin isn’t looking.
“But seriously though, what’s up with this shopping list?” Jongin asks, sifting through the grocery items. Discovering the bag of rice Sehun had sneaked into the pile, Jongin shakes his head. Reaching into the cart to retrieve the pack to return it, Sehun swats his hand away.
“Leave it, it’s not the same rice we have at home. Plus, brown rice is good for you!” Sehun is not going to concede this battle, even if he has to smuggle the grains back home in his underwear.
“Okay, fine. The rice can stay. But do we really need a gazillion different types of beans? We’ve got green beans; baked beans; kidney beans; haricot beans; butter beans; mung beans; we’ve even got black bean sauce. I thought you said we were just going to pick up one or two things for dinner? We’ve got enough food to last us a good month or so.”
“Actually, these are just the ingredients for tonight’s meal,” Sehun informs his boyfriend as he pushes the shopping trolley around the supermarket. He’s only missing one more ingredient—flaxseeds. The only thing is, he’s not really sure what flaxseeds are. He’d perused through shelves with all the nuts, seeds and dried fruit but they were nowhere in sight. What did they even look like?
“All of this? Everything?” Jongin gapes at Sehun, his eyes darting from the cart to Sehun and back to the cart. “Yoghurt, spinach, porridge, kiwis, prunes, popcorn, what the hell are you planning on making?”
“I’m not sure yet,” Sehun admits, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ll think of something?”
Jongin takes hold of the trolley’s handle and steers them both toward the refrigerated section.
“What’s with the microwave meals?” Sehun asks, frowning as Jongin loads the trolley with store brand chicken chow mein.
“They’re just a precaution. Just in case.”
“Just in case, what?” Sehun questions, although fully aware of the implications behind Jongin’s words and actions. His boyfriend had no faith in his culinary skills. Not that Sehun can blame him, he is pretty notorious for both undercooking and burning food on the rare occasions he decides to play chef for the evening.
“You know I love you, babe. But I’ve seen you screw up cup noodles. CUP NOODLES.”
“Well, it was just the one time and it happened like a million years ago,” Sehun says, cringing at the memory. He had put the cup noodles in the microwave but forgot to add water, not to mention that the packaging had been made of styrofoam. The machine had made crackling sounds accompanied by flickering lights. If Jongin hadn’t swooped in to save the day, they would’ve needed to order a new microwave along with their takeout.
“It happened last week.” Jongin laughs, his eyes disappearing into moon shaped crescents. He snakes a hand around Sehun’s waist and pulls him closer toward him. “Let’s face it, you’re not exactly ‘The World’s Greatest Cook,’ but it’s ‘kay.”
“Okay, fine. You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to,” Sehun mumbles, speaking to the floor instead of his boyfriend. He’s never been able to keep his emotions under wraps, he’s an open book and wears his heart on his sleeve. He bites his inner cheek, a tell tale sign that he’s feeling hurt and dejected.
“You know I love you, babe. And to prove just how much, I’m going to put these back and give you my unconditional support. I’ll be more than happy to eat your cooking. In fact, I’d be honored,” Jongin says after observing Sehun’s reaction. He cradles Sehun’s face and tiptoes slightly to kiss his boyfriend’s forehead. “Even if it means spending the night keeling over the toilet, puking my guts out. Or worse, shooting out the other end.”
“Kinda what I’m going for,” Sehun mumbles under his breath.
“Hmm, what’s that now?” Jongin asks, eyeing Sehun with a curious look.
Though perhaps not most ideal location to tell your partner that you want to spend the rest of your life with him by tying the knot—in between pot pies and microwave burgers—but Sehun knows that if he doesn’t, he’d be missing out on a good opportunity. “You…” The rest of the sentence dies in Sehun’s throat.
There’s no reason to be scared, Jongin will understand. Hell, they’ll probably have a good laugh over it. A story to be passed down for generations to come.
“You…” Sehun attempts for the second time. “You… done? Should we make our way to the checkout?” He chickens out at the very last second.
Maybe next time.
Sehun really didn’t think this plan through enough. The dinner had been a success (translation: it had been edible) but Sehun now faces another obstacle...
…Extraction.
How is Sehun going to recover the ring after Jongin makes his trip to the bathroom?
“Is everything okay? You’ve barely made a peep since dinner,” Jongin asks, rubbing Sehun’s belly as they lounge together on the couch, on the verge of falling into a food coma.
“I just a difficult problem to solve but I’ve been sworn to secrecy so I can’t tell you more than that.” Sehun forces a smile to assure Jongin that the problem isn’t too serious and that he has nothing to worry about.
“You’re keeping things from me? I feel betrayed.” Jongin clutches his chest in mock hurt, earning him a playful slap from Sehun. Jongin grabs Sehun’s wrists and pulls the man towards him, enveloping him in a warm hug. “Whatever it is, don’t stress too much over it. I’m sure it’ll be pass.”
“That’s kinda the problem. It’s going to pass through and I’ll have no idea when.” Sehun sighs. He weaves his fingers in between Jongin’s, inspecting his boyfriend’s hand. They’re beautiful, Sehun thinks. The only thing that would make them even more so is if one of the fingers had the platinum band Sehun had spent hours choosing, painstakingly going through each design before finally whittling it down to his final choice. “Hey, Nini?” Sehun asks, rubbing Jongin’s ring-free finger.
“Hmm?”
“Did you…” Sehun trails off. How exactly should he phrase the question. Should he use scientific terminology or just go with a good old ‘number two’ euphemism. “Never mind.” Sehun changes his mind and decides not to broach the subject at all.
“Are you sure everything’s okay?” Jongin puts a hand to Sehun’s forehead. “Should I book you an appointment at the GP? I know you don’t like doctors but if you’re not feeling well…”
“No!” Sehun exclaims, clambering away from Jongin’s hold. “No doctors! Doctors are mean! They lure you in with the fake pretense that they’re understanding and then they threaten to call the police on you!”
“Uh, okay. No doctors. But can you do me a favor and scoot over for a second? I need to get up.” Jongin pats Sehun’s arm a couple times.
“Wait, where are you going?” Sehun asks, not budging a muscle.
“To the toilet.”
“Wait! Which number?” Sehun’s heart begins to pound loudly in his chest. Could this be the moment he’s been waiting for?
“Why?” Jongin asks, clearly unsure of the motives behind Sehun’s questioning.
“Just… For science.”
“I’m not sure what kind of experiment you’re conducting, but I want no part in it.” Jongin slides out from under Sehun and makes his way to the bathroom.
“But you still haven’t answered my question!” Sehun calls out but is ignored for the second time. Following after his boyfriend, Sehun presses his ear to the door. He hears the toilet flush in under a minute but the results are inconclusive. It could’ve been the World’s Quickest Dump—Jongin never did spend too long in the bathroom.
Sehun will need to… linger around if he’s to be certain of Jongin’s bathroom activity.
The bathroom door opens and Jongin—startled by Sehun’s presence—loses control of his limbs, his right arm catching Sehun in the gut.
GAME OVER
Score 0000000000
Continue?
▷Yes
No
“There’s something I need to tell you.”
“Yes?”
Sehun mewls pathetically when Jongin pulls away. “Sorry, baby. But I gotta go now, or else I’m going to be late.” Jongin shoots Sehun a heartwarming smile before giving him another peck on the lips. “I’ll be back before you know it so don’t miss me too much. Love you.”
“More, I need more.” Sehun clings onto Jongin, pulling the man toward him by the hem of his shirt and steals as many kisses as he can before they have to start getting ready.
“I’ll call you as soon as it’s over, okay?” Jongin says in between Sehun’s onslaught of kisses.
It always amazes Sehun how easy it is for Jongin to make him weak in the knees with such few words. Just when he thought it wasn’t possible to fall more in love, Jongin proves him wrong. Even after being together for the past six years, living together the past two, Sehun’s feelings have never faltered and he couldn’t possibly imagine an instance it ever would.
“Good, because you’re mine. All mine.” Sehun buries his face into Jongin’s torso, his slender arms wrapped around his waist. He gives a quick squeeze before releasing Jongin from his grip.
Jongin smiles, sweeping the stray strands of hair away from Sehun’s face. “Bye, beautiful.”
“I’ll miss you.” Sehun steals one more kiss from Jongin’s lips before sending his boyfriend off.
Jongin has one foot out of the door before hopping backwards on one foot. “Quick question, why was there a bin liner in the toilet this morning?”
“Sehunnie, do you know what happened to the giant cupcake I left on the kitchen counter? Did you move it somewhere?” Jongin calls out from the kitchen. Sehun can also hear jars scraping against a surface and the rustle of plastic.
“Oh, I was craving something sweet earlier so I ate it. Hope you don’t mind,” Sehun replies. He had devoured the entire thing earlier in the day, barely taking the time to chew in between bites. He knows he probably should’ve gone for something healthier, like the fruit they still have from their shopping trip, but it had been the first thing he’d laid eyes on. Not to mention, the frosting looked far too appealing to pass up. It had practically begged him to be eaten.
“The whole thing?” Jongin asks, returning from the kitchen.
“Yeah, sorry! But if you’re looking for something to snack on, we still have those kiwis and prunes,” Sehun says, nuzzling his cheek on his boyfriend’s arm. Sehun’s not sure why Jongin looks absolutely mortified to hear of Sehun’s unhealthy snack choices. It’s a common occurrence, one Jongin should be more than accustomed to by now.
“Fuck!” Jongin curses and it shocks Sehun. Jongin hardly ever swears. And on the rare occasion that he does, it’s usually because something seriously bad has happened.
Shit, has Sehun fucked up?
“W-Was it for someone else?” Sehun asks, afraid he’s landed his boyfriend in hot water. Maybe he should’ve asked Jongin first before helping himself to it. “Should I go out and get another one? Where was it from?”
Pairing(s): Kai/Sehun
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Length: 3k
Warning(s):
Summary: Sehun never would’ve imagined proposing to his boyfriend would be so… messy.
Author's Note: This is probably one of the most crackest fics I've ever written -- please don't take this AU too seriously, it wasn't written to be taken that way.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“You’ve been watching me like a hawk since we sat down for breakfast.”
“Wow, can’t I look at my beautiful boyfriend without there being some ulterior motive? Fine, I won’t look at you anymore.” Sehun clenches his eyes shut, the image of the smiling man sat opposite replaced disappearing into a black void.
He’d much rather be looking at his handsome boyfriend if he’s honest but there’s a reason why Jongin calls him “Mr. Stubborn’, often taking extreme measures to stand his ground. Though, Sehun isn’t really sure what point he’s trying to make right now—or how flying blind will help his cause—but he’ll be damned if he sits around doing nothing when his boyfriend has so brazenly accused him of acting shifty.
With his eyes still closed, Sehun tries to eat his cereal. He feels the spoon come into contact with something solid and makes a scooping motion before raising it to his mouth. His brows furrow when his tongue touches the cool stainless steel and nothing else. He repeats the action another time, attempting to find his bowl of his probably now soggy Cap'n Crunch. He fails for the second time. Setting his spoon down onto the table, he exhales heavily. “See what you’ve done? Now I’m going to go hungry because I can’t see where my cereal is.”
Sehun hears a chair scraping across the floor but he refuses to open his eyes. Expecting Jongin to feed him, Sehun parts his mouth open slightly. The room falls silent for a second, two seconds, three seconds. Convinced that Jongin had actually abandoned him instead, Sehun schemes to hunt down his boyfriend (and tickle him relentlessly). Before he can execute his plan, Sehun feels a warm pair of lips pressed onto his. Kissing his boyfriend back, Sehun feels Jongin smile against his mouth.
“Well, you know what they say, right? Losing one sense heightens the others,” Jongin purrs into Sehun’s ear, his hot breath tickling the back of Sehun’s neck.
As much as Sehun is enjoying the sensation, there are more important matters at hand. “Wait, wait, wait. You should finish your cereal first,” Sehun says, gasping when Jongin nips at his earlobe.
“I already have. Gonna hop in the shower now,” Jongin tells him, capturing Sehun’s lips with his own. “You should join me,” he adds seductively before making his exit out of the kitchen, leaving a stunned Sehun in his wake.
When Sehun hears the bathroom door close, he finds it odd that Jongin has yet to mention anything. Sehun reaches over the table and slides Jongin’s empty cereal bowl toward him. He frowns when he finds it empty.
“Fuck!”
“So, Mr. Oh, do you have any questions or concerns about what I’ve just told you?” the doctor asks with a warm smile.
The man, Dr. Kim Junmyeon, isn’t nearly as intimidating as Sehun had been expecting. The doctor appears to be in his mid thirties, smartly dressed, and spoke with a soft gentle voice. Sehun had envisioned fleeing the room in nought point eight seconds flat, not wanting to stay longer than necessary. But there’s an aura that Dr. Kim exudes that makes Sehun feel welcomed, as though they’ve been lifelong friends and weren’t total strangers a mere ten minutes prior.
“Yes, just one really.” The unwavering of his voice surprises Sehun, he’s usually a bumbling nervous wreck whenever there’s a stethoscope in sight. “Do you have any advice on how to collect someone’s poop without their knowledge?”
The doctor frowns, a less than warm expression that had marred his features a mere moment earlier. “I don’t understand.”
“See, the thing is, I was going to propose to my boyfriend. But I wanted to surprise him, so I hid it in his cereal and I think he ate it without realising?” Sehun tries his best to explain the situation as best as he can without hyperventilating and passing out. Although, if he did, at least there’d be a doctor nearby.
The bright expression on the doctor’s face is no longer present, an unsettling harsh look in its stead. Sehun shifts uncomfortably in his seat; he can feel the doctor’s piercing stare boring holes into his body.
Sehun never would’ve thought his surprise proposal would backfire in such a manner. Who swallows a ring without even realising? Seriously? Does Jongin not chew when he eats? When the man had emerged from the bathroom, Sehun had no idea how to notify his boyfriend—potential future fiancé—about what had just transpired.
A stunned Sehun made a knee jerk reaction to keep his mouth shut and leave Jongin in the dark. Devising a plan to extract the wedding ring secretly, Jongin would never need to find out. However, unable to come up with a feasible strategy to remedy the predicament on his own, Sehun had two options: seek the advice of a medical professional or turn to his trusty old pal, the internet. Fearing the search engine would yield traumatic images—far too graphic for his sensitive eyeballs—Sehun had opted for the former. Visiting a clinic may not have been the ideal situation but Sehun deemed it to be the lesser of two evils at the time.
Maybe images of human feces would’ve been the better alternative, after all.
“Let me get this straight, you are not the one who swallowed the ring?” Dr. Kim asks, gently tapping a pen against the table.
Sehun shakes his head, avoiding the man’s gaze.
“Your boyfriend did?”
Sehun nods his head, eyes transfixed on the doctor’s pen.
“But your boyfriend is unaware that he’s swallowed a ring?”
Sehun shakes his head again.
“And you haven’t told him about it?”
Sehun bites his lower lip and clenches his fist to stop his hands from trembling. “I’m scared to,” he admits, his voice meek and timid. He can feel the beads of sweat forming on his forehead and his stomach churning from being so nervous. “Do you think that maybe I could remove it when he’s sleeping? Like using a turkey baster? In your opinion, do you think that would work?”
“Put it back, Sehunnie. We already have rice at home.”
Sehun looks at the basmati and brown rice he’s holding, a bag in each hand. He begrudgingly places the bags back onto the shelf. He should’ve conducted more research as to which grains had a higher fiber content. He’s pretty sure brown rice is supposed to be healthier but he doesn’t know if that equates to better for your digestive system. It probably does, right? Sehun sneaks one a bag of brown rice into the trolley when Jongin isn’t looking.
“But seriously though, what’s up with this shopping list?” Jongin asks, sifting through the grocery items. Discovering the bag of rice Sehun had sneaked into the pile, Jongin shakes his head. Reaching into the cart to retrieve the pack to return it, Sehun swats his hand away.
“Leave it, it’s not the same rice we have at home. Plus, brown rice is good for you!” Sehun is not going to concede this battle, even if he has to smuggle the grains back home in his underwear.
“Okay, fine. The rice can stay. But do we really need a gazillion different types of beans? We’ve got green beans; baked beans; kidney beans; haricot beans; butter beans; mung beans; we’ve even got black bean sauce. I thought you said we were just going to pick up one or two things for dinner? We’ve got enough food to last us a good month or so.”
“Actually, these are just the ingredients for tonight’s meal,” Sehun informs his boyfriend as he pushes the shopping trolley around the supermarket. He’s only missing one more ingredient—flaxseeds. The only thing is, he’s not really sure what flaxseeds are. He’d perused through shelves with all the nuts, seeds and dried fruit but they were nowhere in sight. What did they even look like?
“All of this? Everything?” Jongin gapes at Sehun, his eyes darting from the cart to Sehun and back to the cart. “Yoghurt, spinach, porridge, kiwis, prunes, popcorn, what the hell are you planning on making?”
“I’m not sure yet,” Sehun admits, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’ll think of something?”
Jongin takes hold of the trolley’s handle and steers them both toward the refrigerated section.
“What’s with the microwave meals?” Sehun asks, frowning as Jongin loads the trolley with store brand chicken chow mein.
“They’re just a precaution. Just in case.”
“Just in case, what?” Sehun questions, although fully aware of the implications behind Jongin’s words and actions. His boyfriend had no faith in his culinary skills. Not that Sehun can blame him, he is pretty notorious for both undercooking and burning food on the rare occasions he decides to play chef for the evening.
“You know I love you, babe. But I’ve seen you screw up cup noodles. CUP NOODLES.”
“Well, it was just the one time and it happened like a million years ago,” Sehun says, cringing at the memory. He had put the cup noodles in the microwave but forgot to add water, not to mention that the packaging had been made of styrofoam. The machine had made crackling sounds accompanied by flickering lights. If Jongin hadn’t swooped in to save the day, they would’ve needed to order a new microwave along with their takeout.
“It happened last week.” Jongin laughs, his eyes disappearing into moon shaped crescents. He snakes a hand around Sehun’s waist and pulls him closer toward him. “Let’s face it, you’re not exactly ‘The World’s Greatest Cook,’ but it’s ‘kay.”
“Okay, fine. You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to,” Sehun mumbles, speaking to the floor instead of his boyfriend. He’s never been able to keep his emotions under wraps, he’s an open book and wears his heart on his sleeve. He bites his inner cheek, a tell tale sign that he’s feeling hurt and dejected.
“You know I love you, babe. And to prove just how much, I’m going to put these back and give you my unconditional support. I’ll be more than happy to eat your cooking. In fact, I’d be honored,” Jongin says after observing Sehun’s reaction. He cradles Sehun’s face and tiptoes slightly to kiss his boyfriend’s forehead. “Even if it means spending the night keeling over the toilet, puking my guts out. Or worse, shooting out the other end.”
“Kinda what I’m going for,” Sehun mumbles under his breath.
“Hmm, what’s that now?” Jongin asks, eyeing Sehun with a curious look.
Though perhaps not most ideal location to tell your partner that you want to spend the rest of your life with him by tying the knot—in between pot pies and microwave burgers—but Sehun knows that if he doesn’t, he’d be missing out on a good opportunity. “You…” The rest of the sentence dies in Sehun’s throat.
There’s no reason to be scared, Jongin will understand. Hell, they’ll probably have a good laugh over it. A story to be passed down for generations to come.
“You…” Sehun attempts for the second time. “You… done? Should we make our way to the checkout?” He chickens out at the very last second.
Maybe next time.
Sehun really didn’t think this plan through enough. The dinner had been a success (translation: it had been edible) but Sehun now faces another obstacle...
…Extraction.
How is Sehun going to recover the ring after Jongin makes his trip to the bathroom?
“Is everything okay? You’ve barely made a peep since dinner,” Jongin asks, rubbing Sehun’s belly as they lounge together on the couch, on the verge of falling into a food coma.
“I just a difficult problem to solve but I’ve been sworn to secrecy so I can’t tell you more than that.” Sehun forces a smile to assure Jongin that the problem isn’t too serious and that he has nothing to worry about.
“You’re keeping things from me? I feel betrayed.” Jongin clutches his chest in mock hurt, earning him a playful slap from Sehun. Jongin grabs Sehun’s wrists and pulls the man towards him, enveloping him in a warm hug. “Whatever it is, don’t stress too much over it. I’m sure it’ll be pass.”
“That’s kinda the problem. It’s going to pass through and I’ll have no idea when.” Sehun sighs. He weaves his fingers in between Jongin’s, inspecting his boyfriend’s hand. They’re beautiful, Sehun thinks. The only thing that would make them even more so is if one of the fingers had the platinum band Sehun had spent hours choosing, painstakingly going through each design before finally whittling it down to his final choice. “Hey, Nini?” Sehun asks, rubbing Jongin’s ring-free finger.
“Hmm?”
“Did you…” Sehun trails off. How exactly should he phrase the question. Should he use scientific terminology or just go with a good old ‘number two’ euphemism. “Never mind.” Sehun changes his mind and decides not to broach the subject at all.
“Are you sure everything’s okay?” Jongin puts a hand to Sehun’s forehead. “Should I book you an appointment at the GP? I know you don’t like doctors but if you’re not feeling well…”
“No!” Sehun exclaims, clambering away from Jongin’s hold. “No doctors! Doctors are mean! They lure you in with the fake pretense that they’re understanding and then they threaten to call the police on you!”
“Uh, okay. No doctors. But can you do me a favor and scoot over for a second? I need to get up.” Jongin pats Sehun’s arm a couple times.
“Wait, where are you going?” Sehun asks, not budging a muscle.
“To the toilet.”
“Wait! Which number?” Sehun’s heart begins to pound loudly in his chest. Could this be the moment he’s been waiting for?
“Why?” Jongin asks, clearly unsure of the motives behind Sehun’s questioning.
“Just… For science.”
“I’m not sure what kind of experiment you’re conducting, but I want no part in it.” Jongin slides out from under Sehun and makes his way to the bathroom.
“But you still haven’t answered my question!” Sehun calls out but is ignored for the second time. Following after his boyfriend, Sehun presses his ear to the door. He hears the toilet flush in under a minute but the results are inconclusive. It could’ve been the World’s Quickest Dump—Jongin never did spend too long in the bathroom.
Sehun will need to… linger around if he’s to be certain of Jongin’s bathroom activity.
The bathroom door opens and Jongin—startled by Sehun’s presence—loses control of his limbs, his right arm catching Sehun in the gut.
GAME OVER
Score 0000000000
Continue?
▷Yes
No
“There’s something I need to tell you.”
“Yes?”
Sehun mewls pathetically when Jongin pulls away. “Sorry, baby. But I gotta go now, or else I’m going to be late.” Jongin shoots Sehun a heartwarming smile before giving him another peck on the lips. “I’ll be back before you know it so don’t miss me too much. Love you.”
“More, I need more.” Sehun clings onto Jongin, pulling the man toward him by the hem of his shirt and steals as many kisses as he can before they have to start getting ready.
“I’ll call you as soon as it’s over, okay?” Jongin says in between Sehun’s onslaught of kisses.
It always amazes Sehun how easy it is for Jongin to make him weak in the knees with such few words. Just when he thought it wasn’t possible to fall more in love, Jongin proves him wrong. Even after being together for the past six years, living together the past two, Sehun’s feelings have never faltered and he couldn’t possibly imagine an instance it ever would.
“Good, because you’re mine. All mine.” Sehun buries his face into Jongin’s torso, his slender arms wrapped around his waist. He gives a quick squeeze before releasing Jongin from his grip.
Jongin smiles, sweeping the stray strands of hair away from Sehun’s face. “Bye, beautiful.”
“I’ll miss you.” Sehun steals one more kiss from Jongin’s lips before sending his boyfriend off.
Jongin has one foot out of the door before hopping backwards on one foot. “Quick question, why was there a bin liner in the toilet this morning?”
“Sehunnie, do you know what happened to the giant cupcake I left on the kitchen counter? Did you move it somewhere?” Jongin calls out from the kitchen. Sehun can also hear jars scraping against a surface and the rustle of plastic.
“Oh, I was craving something sweet earlier so I ate it. Hope you don’t mind,” Sehun replies. He had devoured the entire thing earlier in the day, barely taking the time to chew in between bites. He knows he probably should’ve gone for something healthier, like the fruit they still have from their shopping trip, but it had been the first thing he’d laid eyes on. Not to mention, the frosting looked far too appealing to pass up. It had practically begged him to be eaten.
“The whole thing?” Jongin asks, returning from the kitchen.
“Yeah, sorry! But if you’re looking for something to snack on, we still have those kiwis and prunes,” Sehun says, nuzzling his cheek on his boyfriend’s arm. Sehun’s not sure why Jongin looks absolutely mortified to hear of Sehun’s unhealthy snack choices. It’s a common occurrence, one Jongin should be more than accustomed to by now.
“Fuck!” Jongin curses and it shocks Sehun. Jongin hardly ever swears. And on the rare occasion that he does, it’s usually because something seriously bad has happened.
Shit, has Sehun fucked up?
“W-Was it for someone else?” Sehun asks, afraid he’s landed his boyfriend in hot water. Maybe he should’ve asked Jongin first before helping himself to it. “Should I go out and get another one? Where was it from?”
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Date: 2017-01-03 07:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-15 09:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-03 09:13 am (UTC)this story is perfection. i honestly loved this so much and sekai are so dumb with each other but so in love.
jongin should've known better than to leave a giant cupcake out in the open on the counter like that, honestly
anybody with a sweet tooth would've devoured that thing without chewing much (or maybe that could just be me?)
anyways.
i loved this story. it's super cute and i'll definitely come back to read this story again in the near future.
thank you so much for choosing this prompt and writing it, lovely author ;u;
no subject
Date: 2017-01-15 09:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-04 03:22 pm (UTC)only dumb in love sekai would swallow e/o's engagement rings ;;;
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Date: 2017-01-15 09:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-05 02:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-15 09:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-06 04:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-15 09:47 pm (UTC)tysm for reading and commenting ^^
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Date: 2017-01-07 10:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-15 09:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-08 10:22 am (UTC)I'm just popping in to let you know that this was the first crack fic I immediately had to recommend to my friends.
I super appreciate the graphics you did - and please tell me those pages exist and you actually looked them up.
This fic was so over-the-top, I don't even know what to say except thank you - I laughed a lot ♡
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Date: 2017-01-15 09:51 pm (UTC)let me tell you, researching + doing the graphics for the web history prolly took longer than writing the actual fic itself. most of the pages do exist - prolly the one exception being the blog called intoyourworld.. but i wanted to give a little nod to sekai meaning world... and yeah haha i enjoy to write little subtleties like that (even if no one picks up on them.)
and thank you for your comment!
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Date: 2017-02-03 10:27 am (UTC)(And it was NOT related to 'Poop Scoopers', definitely not! xD)
You're very welcome ♥
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Date: 2017-01-15 04:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-15 09:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-01-19 02:46 pm (UTC)AHHAHAHHAHAH OMG BOTH OF THEM. i thought jongin knew and kept hiding the ring. ASDFGJSKK HAHAHAHAHAH
no subject
Date: 2017-03-15 11:10 pm (UTC)