#56: Red Light Blue Light
Jan. 3rd, 2017 05:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sweetestjonginTitle: Red Light Blue Light
Pairing(s): Sehun and Jongin, side! Chanyeol and Baekhyun
Rating: PG
Length:6.5k
Warning(s):slight!homophobia, cursing.
Summary: But this is different. Sehun is different.
Author's Note: this is my first fic on here! i apologize if it's terrible. the other story will come out soon. otherwise, this can(?) stand alone.
also, geisha were NOT meant to be prostitutes and they still aren't. please don't take offense to how they are used in this story; i make the distinction clear. and yes... very gintama influenced.
As vice commander of the Shinsengumi police force, Jongin has only ever known solitude and discipline.
His days only see long, torturous hours within his headquarters, with the hollow taste of tobacco to meet him in between. His companions are the sword and the warmth of sake when the nights grow lonely and tiresome.
It’s nearing winter when Jongin first agrees to accompany his fellow captain into the red district of Edo. His name is Chanyeol.
The lanterns within the hidden alleyway shine seductive shades of red, with the light reflecting against building after building. Each offers its own service; luxury massages and steaming bath houses.
But underneath, the sale of prostitutes and bodies is what truly makes the whole area red.
“You’ve really got to loosen up some, vice commander.” Chanyeol laughs offhandedly as he eyes a few of the geishas walking nearby.
Jongin sighs.
“Loosen up? The air in this place is making me suffocate.”
“You’re just a newbie, that’s why. You see all these beautiful women? Once they put their hands on you, everything just falls away.”
Jongin would beg to differ. For the first time in his life, he feels as if he’s no longer a member of Japan’s strongest military group. He feels like a newborn calf just beginning to open its eyes while in the presence of hungry wolves nearby.
“Anyway, Chanyeol. Are we there yet?” Jongin’s hand never leaves his unsheathed sword, “The crooks around here are going to figure out who we are.”
Chanyeol glances around and motions Jongin near an overshadowed pass just next to a small bar. The red light seems to die out as they continue further down the way.
“Yeah, yeah I hear you commander. This place is exclusive, so we’ll be there in just a few..Ah! Here we are.”
Jongin’s hand relaxes around his sword’s sheath as they stand in front of a door that’s lit by a single lantern on the top. There’s no sign; just a solid black door with a golden knob on its side.
“Alright. Pay attention to this.” Chanyeol says before he gently raps his knuckles against the door. It’s a rhythmic pattern; tap, tap tap, tap, tap tap tap.
Within seconds the door is swung open. Jongin’s eyes widen a little when they’re met with the ghostly pale face of who he assumes to be another geisha.
“Looks like you brought a little friend along, mm?” The geisha smiles with hollow sincerity as she eyes Jongin up and down.
“Yeah, he’s here to relax,” Chanyeol nods, “Do you mind showing him around first? I’ve got a little meeting with you know who.”
“Sure thing love. He’s on the second floor, as always.”
Jongin thinks he’s heard the geisha wrong.
He? He thinks. He opens his mouth to ask Chanyeol but the captain is already rushing from sight inside.
“C’mon little police man,” The geisha laughs, “Let’s find you some relaxation.”
When Jongin steps inside, he’s met with the strong whiff of cigarettes and alcohol. The sound of cackling men and women can be heard, and he’s half blinded by the sheer amount of golden light within each of the rooms. He sees the beautifully adorned geishas with their slick black hair and taunting pale skin just barely showing above their kimonos. He sees some of the men in a drunken stupor, just completely absorbed by the luxury and fantasy of the women around him.
The brilliant vice commander is taken aback. He doesn’t belong here.
Jongin jumps a little when a cool hand grabs onto his shoulder.
“So now you see it, don’t you darling? It’s so wonderful.”
Jongin remains quiet.
“Why don’t you tell me your type? Unless you’ve got a wife at home waiting for you, I suspect you won’t have a problem with picking them out,” The geisha gently ushers him along past the rooms of men, down to a corridor that appears to be some sort of display room.
Standing on podiums that line the edges of the room are prostitutes. He knows the geisha image is just a front; it sells like a fetish, considering how the geisha are not actually prostitutes by tradition. Some sway side to side in a slow tuneless dance, trying to catch favorable light on their own figures. Others choose to sit, with jade kiseru pipes between their lips.
The sight in and of itself leaves Jongin with a bitter taste in his mouth. He can only assume that most of these women never would've chosen their given profession, had life treated them kindly.
As Jongin and the host geisha near the end of the room, he almost decides to call it a night before he sees them.
There have only been a few moments in Jongin’s life that he would dare call beautiful. And here, in this shaded whore house within the red light district, Jongin thinks the sight before him puts those precious moments to shame.
…
For a moment he forgets that the woman before him is a prostitute; even though her gaze is focused towards the ground, her evasive position fails to mask her effervescent presence; pearl dusted complexion and moon swept lips sit comfortably above a pointed chin. Their eyes meet for a brief second and Jongin forgets to inhale all together.
“Her name is Sehuna, in case you were wondering.”
Jongin watches as Sehuna turns her head off to the side, revealing the pink that begins to arise in her skin.
“She’s…” Jongin starts but trails off midway. He can’t bring himself to focus on anything else.
“Gorgeous, I know. Here, I’ll let you take a closer look.”
Jongin stumbles with his words, “No, no that’s really okay-”
“Sehuna! This young man here wants to see you. Come down, please.” The geisha uses a single hand to motion Sehuna down towards them.
Jongin realizes that standing face to face is so much more gratifying than just having to admire from afar. He feels his heart soar, but at the same time he has a hard time trying to find any words at all.
“It’s a pleasure to be meeting you.” Sehuna says as she dips into a small bow. Jongin does the same in return and is just about to reply before the geisha gently nudges him in the shoulder.
“Sorry to break it to you, but I’ve got to tend to other customers. Since it’s your first time, this one is on the house.” She whispers quietly into Jongin’s ear before turning to Sehuna.
“Sehuna, could you please take commander Jongin up to your quarters? You know how it is around here, love. I’ll see you later!”
The other simply nods before the geisha turns to leave the room, leaving them alone amidst the other prostitutes.
For a few moments they simply look at each other. To Jongin’s dismay, it seems as if they’re both shy types. But he decides just this once to try and take initiative, despite the awkward situation.
“I’m..I’m sorry if this is bothersome to you.”
Sehuna shakes her head.
“It really isn’t, commander. Do you mind following me? I live upstairs.”
There’s a soft glow behind the sound of Sehuna’s voice that’s soothing to the ears. Jongin doesn’t think he’d mind at all if he could simply listen all day.
“Alright. Lead the way.”
Side by side, the pair finds themselves weaving through the twisted hallways of the building. Again, there’s laughter and the clinking of glass to be heard. Here and there, people call out Sehuna’s name, only to be met with another small smile of hers.
Standing so close to Sehuna makes Jongin notice how tall she actually is. In fact, she seems to have an inch or two on him.
When they reach the second floor, everything becomes quiet. There are hallways that are barely lit by the dim glow of light behind paper. All of the doors are closed, but as they make their way through, Jongin thinks he can hear a few noises here and there; noises that cause the tips of his ears to turn red.
Sehuna finally stops in front of one of the doors, glancing side to side before sliding it open.
“After you.” She says, moving out of the way.
Jongin nods and steps inside the room.
He can’t exactly make anything out until Sehuna lights one of the lanterns in the room. When he finally can see, he notices that the furnishing is simple and quaint; there’s a cherrywood desk in the far corner and a large futon on the center of the floor. On the desk he sees paint brushes and rice paper; there’s some jewelry as well.
“This is..” Jongin starts.
“It’s plain, I know.” Sehuna sighs, “Would you like some tea? I can have someone bring it up for us.”
“I’m fine, thank you.” Jongin takes a few steps around the room before he hears Sehuna speak again.
“So...Are you another one of them?”
Jongin blinks. Sehuna’s voice has become noticeably deeper.
“One of who..?” He responds tentatively. The air is beginning to feel somewhat uneasy.
Sehuna slowly approaches Jongin, eyes questioning before she responds,
“Are you also interested in men?”
Now that sends Jongin spinning. Not literally, but in his head he’s going about a thousand miles a second.
“W-what? Did you just say?” He sputters and instinctively reaches for his blade. A bad habit as a result of his line of work.
“Oh my god,” Sehuna’s face drains of color, “You don’t know where you are, do you?”
Jongin glances around once more. Was the room supposed to mutate? This had to be some bad side affect of all that smoke.
“Are you saying then..that you’re not..” Jongin’s almost afraid to say it. Inside he knows the answer, but he hopes his inquiry will put his worries to rest. Jongin knows it’s unlikely. Had the brief warmth he’d felt earlier been because of a man?
“I’m…” Sehuna’s arms wrap protectively over her chest before she manages a reply,
“I’m not a woman, Jongin. This entire house..None of us are.”
…
Jongin feels sick. So this was why it’d been so hidden.
Although the red light district was run outside of the regulations of the shogunate, same sex relations were completely illegal. Jongin had always heard of numerous accounts of both women and men being found without their heads when exposed. It was gruesome how they’d always died; it was always a result of hatred from those around them.
When Jongin looks towards the other male, he can see the fear just beginning to emerge within their eyes. Jongin was the vice commander of the special police force; Sehuna had every reason to be afraid.
“Tell me your real name.” Jongin says, hand dropping from its previous position on his sword.
Sehuna visibly relaxes when he sees Jongin’s change of position, and little by little, that same allure that had caught Jongin’s eye can be seen again.
“My real name isn’t so different. It’s just Sehun.”
Jongin sighs and drags a few fingers through his hair. He’s almost annoyed at the man’s genuineness. He’d just been tricked but for some reason he can’t find it in himself to be mad. If this was one of his own men, he’d have forced them to commit sepukku already.
“So everyone else here is just like you then?”
Sehun nods and begins to wipe at his own lips with the back of his hand.
“We cater to the men who can’t be themselves on the outside. I’m sure you’d know..Seeing that you’re a policeman and all.”
“But all those prostitutes...They were unrecognizable.” Jongin watches Sehun as he begins to work at his wig. The once woman standing before him is slowly unpeeling her shell; from high end prostitute to average man. Even so, that unsettling feeling doesn’t seem to sway at all.
Sehun laughs. It sounds forced.
“Well, when we can’t become stunning fighters like you.. We’ve got to do something for a living.”
“But this?” Jongin almost continues but stops midway when he looks back towards Sehun again.
Without the makeup, the hair, and the blaring lights; Jongin sees a boy. A boy with soft eyes and light skin. A boy with the same pair of curved lips and defined jaw.
The Sehun he’d seen downstairs was beautiful. But the Sehun before him now is.. Glowing. Wonderous. Breathtaking.
His head tongues a thousand lines of regulation, to be loyal to your men, to rather die by your own hands than become prisoner; nothing in the books could’ve ever prepared Jongin for this.
But his heart is strumming away at his heartstrings; playing a tune that he’s never heard before. It’s shameless and raw and terrifying; everything that Jongin has always lived without.
Jongin’s too lost in his own discord to notice that Sehun’s come even closer, hand gently clasped around the hem of his sleeve.
“Jongin?”
The vice commander blinks himself out of his thoughts and finds himself completely still beneath Sehun’s gaze.
“What is it?”
Sehun sighs and drops his head.
“I just wanted to apologize to you. You know, in my situation, I can’t give you anything to compensate but I-”
“It’s fine.” Jongin gently places his hand over Sehun’s, giving it a brief squeeze before stepping back out of his reach.
“Stay safe, alright? I know I have my own obligations to the law, but I’ll keep your secret, if you keep mine.” Jongin thinks he can see a brief hint of disappointment upon Sehun’s features when he pulls away. Perhaps a figment of his wistful imagination.
“Does this mean you’ll be leaving then? I mean, for good.” Sehun keeps his hands clasped together, now with nothing to hold onto.
“I don’t have any business here. I’m sure you know that.” Jongin shifts in his boots, “Unless..”
The brief glimmer of hope that Sehun catches in Jongin’s voice immediately causes his head to snap into full attention.
“Would you see me again?” Sehun asks, closing the distance between them once again. He doesn’t ask before gently brushing the tips of his fingers against the surface of Jongin’s hand.
Jongin immediately knows the answer in his head.
Yes.
Maybe.
But rationally, he knows it would be a bad idea. If anyone aside from Chanyeol knew that Jongin was here- the reputation of his and the Shinsengumi’s could be at stake.
But when he sees that look in Sehun’s eyes; the look that so subtly reads please come back, Jongin knows it's no use to resist.
“When?” He asks.
A smile blooms on Sehun’s face and Jongin feels his entire system malfunction.
“Tomorrow night? I’m not working tomorrow, but I’ll be here. In my private quarters.”
“And...will you look..” Jongin lets his eyes fall upon the bright, dazzling kimono that Sehun has on.
“I’ll be in a plain yukata. This is just for show. If that's what you were going to ask.” Sehun chuckles.
“I'll see you here then.” Jongin straightens and slowly begins to make his way back towards the door. Sehun trails behind quietly.
Somehow saying goodbye makes it all seem somewhat surreal. It's still a little confusing to him, especially when his feelings are still awry.
“Good night Sehun.” Jongin bows his head briefly and steps backwards out the door before he's jerked forward. He looks down and before anything can be said, shy lips find solace against his cheek.
“Goodnight Mr. Policeman.” Sehun’s whispers warm on Jongin skin and it's all too soon when he pulls away.
Jongin reddens and watches, dumbfounded as Sehun slides the door shut with a grin.
Kim Jongin, widely known as the demon vice commander of the Shinsengumi police force, was officially mush.
…
The next morning brings nothing but routine to Jongin. At the crack of 5 am, everyone is lined up in the courtyard in pristine order and condition. The day’s duties are simple; patrol the streets of Edo, and keep a watch out for the rebels.
Up until recently, there hasn’t been much action in terms of rebel activity. But it has been one of the largest sources of stress for Jongin.
“Vice commander?”
Jongin stops in his tracks and turns his head. It’s Luhan.
The famous sadist with some of the sharpest skills Jongin has ever seen. In fact, that only reason that Luhan isn’t in Jongin’s position right now is his lack of self control.
“Is something the matter?”
Luhan smiles. It’s unsettling, as usual. “Do you mind if I accompany you? There are some things I’d like to discuss.”
Jongin simply nods before beginning to walk again.
“I hear a strike is set to commence near the end of the year,” Luhan mutters, “The shogun is going to hide behind the face of a double for the time being.”
Jongin reaches inside of his jacket for the packet of cigarettes he usually carries around. He’s about to light one before he remembers his ‘date’ for tonight. It’d make a bad impression if he smelled of tobacco.
“Why didn’t I hear about this first?” Jongin asks.
Luhan shrugs and takes the loose cigar from Jongin’s hand. “It’s a tentative observation. But it’s not completely bizarre.” Jongin sighs in response and offers Luhan the lighter which he gladly accepts.
“That crazy son of a bitch Zitao is determined to stain this entire village with blood,” Luhan mutters before exhaling the gray smoke, “Problem is, we haven’t got a single tail on him since two months ago.”
The name brings Jongin’s hairs on end.
Huang Zitao was the notorious rebel whose tactics and sheer amount of skill by the sword were known to be legendary. Alone, he’d claimed hundreds upon hundreds of life. It was never for the sake of honor; just for the sake of killing.
“I’ll keep scouting, if that’s what you’re implying. Can you also assign Chanyeol an actual perimeter? He lounges around too much.” Jongin pockets the lighter again and quickens his pace. The sky’s not getting any lighter and the last thing he wants is to be held up. The image of Sehun just waiting there alone doesn’t exactly put Jongin to rest.
Would you see me again?
Jongin pinks beneath his collar.
“Stay safe lousy commander! If you never come back, I’ll fill in for you!”
Jongin waves Luhan off and absentmindedly reaches into his yukata before scowling.
That was his last cigarette.
Days like these often begin and end with Jongin peering through the shops and streets. He sees children offer him wide warm smiles, with the elderly complimenting him constantly about the hard work he does for everyone. It’s a small part of the job that gives him a sense of direction. Especially when it often involves bloodshed and sacrifice.
When the sun begins to dip beneath the clouds, Jongin slowly begins to make his way towards Yoshiwara; the red light district. Just for today he sheds his uniform in exchange for the yukata he wears off duty. It's also to avoid any unwanted attention of course.
With every step Jongin attempts to take, is another he takes backwards. The last time he’d been on a ‘date’ or an outing with someone was with Chanyeol’s older sister. She was normal in comparison to Chanyeol, but she ended up running away with some rich politician.
Not that Jongin really cared.
It’s a bit more natural for him when he approaches that familiar alleyway. He knocks in the same pattern, and the same geisha greets him at the door. They exchange brief smiles before he sees them lean in close.
“You remember the stairway, right? Sehun’s up there for you.”
“Yes I do. Thank you,” Jongin nods with a bow.
“Don’t need to be formal around here commander! Relax, remember?” She calls after him.
…
“You really came,” Sehun slowly pours some tea into the cup Jongin’s holding. “I hope I’m not..putting anyone’s life at risk with you coming here. I know the work you do is demanding.”
“It’s fine,” Jongin assures the other, “I hardly take my days off, so I’m actually encouraged to do things like this.”
He takes a moment to look Sehun over. Even without the kimono, wig, and make-up, Sehun is still somewhat feminine in the frailty of his features. His hands bear no calluses, and his skin appears to have never once seen the sun. In noticing this, Jongin doesn’t feel all that deceived anymore. What he’d seen in the first place, was quite true to reality. Even the height, unfortunately.
“I know everything is still weird for you. I really didn’t mean to trick you or anything, I promise-” Sehun’s head drops as he mouths his apology.
“You don’t need to apologize. I didn’t think that was your motive. I should be apologizing for scaring you the other day without asking for an explanation.”
Sehun finds it in himself to smile a little, “Your shoulders.. They’re so square when you talk, you know.”
There it was again. The very smile that’d so easily chipped away at the surface of his gray affections. He’d survived through one or two romance novels in his years as a student. Jongin wonders if this is what the main protagonist must’ve felt.
“...Jongin? What’s the matter?” Sehun asks as he leans across the table just slightly.
Jongin shakes his head and lets his shoulders drop. “I’m sorry. I was just thinking.. Where are you from?”
Sehun blinks, taken aback. Jongin wonders if his question was a little too straightforward.
“The countryside,” He answers calmly, allowing the atmosphere to slowly melt into the moment, “My father was a farmer. My mother taught arithmetic, and I had one older brother. As you can probably guess, I’m a poor man’s son. Or, at least I was,” The chuckle that follows swims just above the boundary between simple memory and angst.
Gently, Jongin asks, “Is your family..?”
“Both passed away. My brother as well. I don’t feel that comfortable with going into details, so I hope you’ll forgive me for that.”
Sehun’s eyes linger down upon his own hands before he manages to straighten; like the clouds after a fit of rain, the mist in his eyes parts quickly.
“What about you?”
“My father is my boss as of now,” Jongin answers, “And my mother’s also deceased. Some difficulties with my younger sister’s birth.”
It’s a sad memory but it doesn’t deter the vice commander as much as it once used to.
“Hey.. Jongin, can I ask you something?” Sehun asks.
“Go ahead.”
“Have you.. Ever been with a man before? I mean, romantically of course.”
Jongin coughs on his tea.
“No.. But merely because of the things I’ve witnessed. Growing up a commander’s son, you.. Tend to see a lot of things you don’t want to see. But what about you? I’d only imagine-”
“Hey, hey. I might be a prostitute,” Sehun cuts in, voice lowering progressively, “But.. I have a dream. I’m more to life than just this, so don’t worry. I only asked because you seemed scared to death the other day.”
The Vice commander slowly produces a cigarette from his pocket before nudging it towards Sehun.
“So. Tell me, what is your dream?”
…
Over the course of the next few months, Jongin continues to learn more and more about the quiet boy within the red district.They don’t always meet in Sehun’s room. Sometimes, they just sit and talk in the tea shop across the street. Other times, Jongin takes him back to his old, abandoned dojo.
He learns that Sehun was once a Samurai’s apprentice. He also learns that Sehun hates green tea, smoking, and rain. On the other hand, Sehun loves traveling to the ocean, scarfing down mochi stuffed with adzuki beans, and daydreaming.
Getting to know Sehun is nothing like turning the pages of a book. It’s Sehun who makes Jongin wait on a blank page until he chooses to pen something in. Of course, Jongin lets him.
Amidst all of this, Jongin begins to realize that this is the first time he’s ever focused on someone else other than those in his work vicinity. In all of his years of living, Jongin has never once experienced interest in women or men further than their name and ability.
It’s always been about what, rather than why.
But one look at Sehun tells him that his heart must’ve had a reason for being so dormant. Time is a precious thing, and Jongin has worked all of his life to save it. But when it comes to being with Sehun- hours, minutes or seconds; none of it is ever a waste. It’s characterless when they’re together. Regardless of the rules, Jongin’s chest shamelessly blooms in a color only triggered by the ever growing affection he feels. There’s no mistaking it.
This is different. Sehun is different.
However, as much Jongin wishes to think about Sehun, he also can’t stop thinking about the looming danger that Zitao is about to bring. Where is he going to strike? Who first? There are so many people he needs to protect, so many lives at stake-
“Jongin? Earth to Jongin,” Sehun quietly slips his palm over Jongin’s hand. Silently, their fingers intertwine and Jongin’s worries slip away.
It’s an odd ritual they share. Always beginning with Jongin becoming silent, and ending with Sehun’s fingers between his own. It brings him back.
At this point, Jongin knows that what he feels for Sehun is real. At first it’d just been him wandering into blackened waters; his confusion had a vice grip around his throat, and the threat of his reputation certainly kept his attraction at bay. Nothing was logical about the way he felt, and in all honesty, he could care less. If what he’d heard about love was true, then perhaps this was it.
However, there’s still a part of him that lingers on the fact that Sehun is a prostitute by occupation. Every time they meet, there’s either a new bruise, or a certain sensitivity that Sehun tries to hide while they walk. Jongin knows he shouldn’t try to pry into Sehun’s reasons for continuing to give himself to other clients, but still. He just wishes he could take Sehun away from all of that.
“Sorry, I’m just..”
“You’re thinking again, I know.” Sehun brings Jongin’s palm towards his cheek before resting against it, “I’m here to listen to you if something’s going on. If you don’t unload at least once, you’ll seriously grow old a million times faster. It’s true, I promise.”
“Sehun...You and your crazy claims are what will make me old.” Jongin jokes before sighing, “I don’t know. My whole team has been up all night anticipating the arrival of a revolutionary who is a serious threat. As in, a whole town massacre threat. If he gets his hands on the shogun...We could all be lost.”
“A revolutionary,” Sehun pauses, stuck partially in thought, “Do you..happen to know their name?”
Something about the way Sehun asks turns Jongin’s stomach a little.
“...His name is Zitao.”
Instantly, Sehun pales.
“Jongin,” His voice wavers as he drops Jongin’s hand from his own, “I don’t... know how to tell you this but…”
“But what?”
“I’m sleeping with him.”
…
Jongin’s stomach takes a turn for the worst. He also feels humiliatingly stupid and mediocre for not being able to catch the nation’s most notorious criminal who has been under his nose the whole time.
Sehun’s sleeping with other people has been a bittersweet happening that Jongin has tried his hardest to look over, but the fact that he’s sleeping with such a dangerous, cruel man is beyond him.
Zitao could have easily slit Sehun’s throat in his sleep. Hell, he could’ve burned the entirety of this building down. But he hadn’t..Why?
“Jongin..? Look, if it’s him you’re looking for, I can help you-”
Jongin cuts Sehun off almost immediately.
“Sehun, you don’t get it. He could slaughter you, and everyone here,” He rises to his feet just as his voice begins to do the same. Habitually, he paces.
“Fucking hell. How often does he come in here?”
“Only once a week. Wednesday evenings,” Sehun answers like clockwork. The younger of the two quickly manages a grasp upon Jongin’s shoulder. The muscle is tense beneath his touch.
“Please..Calm down,” Sehun pleads, “Like I was saying earlier, you can use me for this,”
“But I don’t want to use you, Sehun. Not like that. You’re asking me to let you die.” Jongin argues.
Sehun huffs amusedly.
“I’m not going to die. I told you my dream, remember? I won’t let a crazy man take that away from me,” Sehun lets his hands fall comfortably onto Jongin’s hips before turning him around in his direction, “From us.”
Jongin is met at a crossroads. As much as he wants to try and find another way, he knows that Sehun could be the key in trapping Zitao for good. But at what cost? What if Sehun did get killed, and Zitao got away? The mere inkling of that possibility makes Jongin’s head feel light.
Sehun was more to him than the safety of the people. Sehun was his own selfish desire, the only thing he had wholly to himself.
The risk is terrifying, and it holds Jongin’s will completely prisoner. He knows Sehun’s trying to make light of the situation, but his eyes don’t mask the tinge of fear that exists in attempting this. He knows it just as well as Jongin does. This is life or death.
“I’m… I can’t handle losing you,” Jongin admits quietly without meeting Sehun’s gaze, “I’ve always tried my best to keep this safe. What you and I have, it’s like being stuck in a dream that allows you to breath free. No consequences, just...Us.”
Sehun leans forward, just barely touching his forehead against his lover’s.
“What we have has never been about outrunning death, Jongin,” He says, “You’re the vice commander of our elite police force, and I sell myself for a living. Not to mention that we’re both men. We have existed, constantly, in life or death situations,” Sehun takes a moment to gently trace the backs of his fingertips against Jongin’s cheek. Sullen, they both meet eyes again.
“I don’t love you because of your ability to keep me safe,” Sehun chuckles sadly, “I love you because of the man you are. You’re collected, but also sensitive to the needs of others around you. You’re always looking over your shoulder for my sake, even when I trail behind by only a little bit. No matter who kills me, whether it’s Zitao or old age; my heart will know its direction for the rest of time. I’ll never be lost, because of you.”
Jongin’s trying his best to hold back the tears that begin to overwhelm his sense of discipline. He knows what Sehun is saying is true. They have been flirting with death since the beginning of their relationship, and if death is what they deserve, then so be it in the end.
“Are you in love with me, Sehun?”
The other man hums.
“I think the real question is...Are you?”
Jongin thinks back to when he’d first met Sehun. He’d been shocked beyond belief, but disgust had never emerged from within him. Instead, his fondness only began to grow after that first meeting in that old tea shop. Just weeks later, he’d find himself exchanging hushed yet passionate kisses beneath the roof of his old dojo.
“Is this okay?” Jongin was nervous.
“Yeah, just...Lean into me.” Sehun replied behind a small smile.
No longer would he have to question himself anymore. With the warmth of Sehun’s lips against his own, Jongin finally felt himself falling deep into Sehun, farther than the law could ever allow.
“I am,” Jongin confesses.
“Then trust me,” Sehun pulls Jongin just a little closer, “Let me do this.”
Finally, the hesitation permanently sinks beneath the surface as Jongin confirms the voice of his love into the body of the boy he loves most in this world. He whispers desperately into the quiet of the night, begging whatever higher power for the placing of his trust to hold true. That Sehun will be safe, and that he can save the people who depend on him.
…
“ZiTao is in Yoshiwara. Or at least, he’s been seen there frequently.”
From across the table, Lu han snickers. Chanyeol pales.
“Vice Commander, who told you this?”
“I have a friend of mine who works in the district. He’s seen him.”
Lu Han quirks a brow. He remains leaned back into his chair, idly wiping away at the blade in his hand.
“I’ll ignore the fact that you’re a terrible liar. But I trust that if it’s Zitao we’re talking about, you’re being honest.”
Jongin nods.
“The shogun has already been gone for awhile. At this point, the only thing we have to lose is civilian related. Our men have been ready- hell, I’d say they’ve been waiting to finally act on a lead.”
“Exactly where, does Zitao frequent?” Chanyeol asks.
“It’s a prostitution house.” Jongin answers quietly.
Lu Han remains unfazed before standing up.
“I’ll try to devise a plan with the men I have. Vice Commander, I’ll come to you with it by the end of today- please be ready to have a meeting with the rest of our force by then. We’ll need all the bodies we can get.”
“I’ll be waiting then,” Jongin confirms, “Could you leave me and Chanyeol? I have something private to discuss with him.”
Lu Han bows his head quickly before sliding the door shut behind him.
“Chanyeol,” Jongin starts before lowering his voice, “If you want Baekhyun safe, you better tell him to escape before Wednesday arrives.”
“But what about the others…?”
“We can’t let a large amount of people leave. It’ll be suspicious, and it’ll risk the operation.”
Chanyeol opens his mouth to reply, but instead he merely sighs.
“And what about...”
“Don’t,” Jongin warns, “He’ll be fine.”
Chanyeol straightens and eases himself out of the chair he’s been sitting in. He dips his head, and leaves Jongin behind in the quiet of his room.
“He’ll be fine…” He murmurs to himself, “Just..Fine.”
“Vice Commander?”
Jongin jumps when he hears someone call for him from outside the door.
“Uh, yes?”
“There’s a woman here who wishes to speak to you. We don’t have her in our record books, nor does she possess any form of invitation.”
Who was it then?
“I’ll go out. Please tell her to wait outside near the gate,” Jongin says.
“Yes sir.”
…
It’s still somewhat light outside when Jongin makes his way towards the entrance. Slowly, as he nears the figure standing just next to the gate, it becomes clear that the woman is someone he knows.
It’s the head geisha, Akari.
And she looks...furious.
“You…!” Her lips thin as her palm strikes Jongin across the face. It’s so sudden, causing Jongin to stumble back.
“He’s just a boy you sick war animal,” She seethes, “How dare you use him for your militaristic plights?! Are you insane?! Don’t think all of the people in this town don’t know who Zitao is-”
“You’re telling me this, but you’ve been letting Sehun sleep with a man who’s the real war animal,” Jongin gains ground again before continuing, “I should be asking you as to why you let Sehun take a client like that.”
“Go to hell,” Akari spits, “I may be the head of that building, but Sehun is one of the few employees I have that takes care of his own schedule. You think I’d let him keep going on like this if I knew? Only Sehun knows who he’s meeting with,” She exhales, and her tone softens as she continues, “All of those men...They’re more to me than just sources of income. Losing one is like a hen losing one of her chicks. Especially, when it comes to Sehun. He’s the youngest one.”
“You won’t lose Sehun,” Jongin withdraws a cigarette from his pocket and tucks it between his lips, “So don’t think about this anymore.”
Quietly, Jongin turns away and begins his short trek back to his living quarters.
“Promise me they’ll be safe.” Akari says into the air between them.
Jongin stops. He decides against lighting the cigarette and crushes it into the ground with his heel.
…
“You know something Jongin?” Sehun asks, eyes peering up at the other’s from their lap.
“Mm?”
“You never told me your dream.” He answers.
It’s well into the evening on a Monday, and Jongin finds himself sitting with Sehun’s head on his lap as they rest on the straw patio of his abandoned dojo.
His dream?
Jongin keeps his gaze straight ahead. His eyes fall onto the aging bark of a tree that has lost all of its leaves.
It’s not a word he hears often: ‘dream’.
“I don’t think I...Well, isn’t what I’m doing right now my dream?” Jongin shifts his head so that Sehun is within view again. It’s weird. It almost sounds like he’s asking himself the same question aloud.
“Doesn’t sound like it,” Sehun says with a laugh, “But for real. Isn’t there anything you want out of this life? What would fulfill you?”
Jongin breathes in the sound of the little crickets that sing into the air.
In truth, he’d always imagined himself wanting to be a father someday. He wouldn’t want to live in such a crowded town. Somewhere quiet, with vast fields would be nice.
But… at the same time, those things don’t appeal to him as much as they used to. Most likely because of the absence of Sehun within those desires.
“I think I’d like to live quietly,” Jongin murmurs, “Maybe have a family of my own in the future with a loyal pet dog. But those are things I can live without, so I don’t know if it could qualify as a dream.”
“I can live without falling asleep to stars every night, Jongin,” Sehun argues lightheartedly, “But...That’s still a dream I have. You know, if you really want to live quietly, then wouldn’t it be nice if we lived on the countryside together? Or maybe an island.”
Jongin wants to believe that Sehun is just kidding around, but a part of him knows that there is some sincerity in Sehun’s words.
“We could,” Jongin agrees. “My dream would be fulfilled then,”
Sehun quirks an eyebrow.
“What about the family you wanted?”
Jongin smiles.
“You’re my family, Sehun.”
“Then it all works out.” Sehun beams up at Jongin as he uses a hand to sift through Jongin’s bangs, “Except for the dog though. But, we could still get one.”
“Yeah…” Jongin leans into Sehun’s touch and closes his eyes as the warmth of his fingertips ease calm into Jongin’s system. Together like this...Jongin feels as if this could be just as good of a dream, if not better.
“Tell me you love me,” Sehun’s eyes shine with youth fueled by the stars from above.
Jongin turns to press his lips against the pulse within Sehun’s wrist. It’s warm.
“I love you,” He says.
Sehun grins and Jongin feels his young heart swell.
“I love you, too.”
To be continued.
Pairing(s): Sehun and Jongin, side! Chanyeol and Baekhyun
Rating: PG
Length:6.5k
Warning(s):
Summary: But this is different. Sehun is different.
Author's Note: this is my first fic on here! i apologize if it's terrible. the other story will come out soon. otherwise, this can(?) stand alone.
also, geisha were NOT meant to be prostitutes and they still aren't. please don't take offense to how they are used in this story; i make the distinction clear. and yes... very gintama influenced.
As vice commander of the Shinsengumi police force, Jongin has only ever known solitude and discipline.
His days only see long, torturous hours within his headquarters, with the hollow taste of tobacco to meet him in between. His companions are the sword and the warmth of sake when the nights grow lonely and tiresome.
It’s nearing winter when Jongin first agrees to accompany his fellow captain into the red district of Edo. His name is Chanyeol.
The lanterns within the hidden alleyway shine seductive shades of red, with the light reflecting against building after building. Each offers its own service; luxury massages and steaming bath houses.
But underneath, the sale of prostitutes and bodies is what truly makes the whole area red.
“You’ve really got to loosen up some, vice commander.” Chanyeol laughs offhandedly as he eyes a few of the geishas walking nearby.
Jongin sighs.
“Loosen up? The air in this place is making me suffocate.”
“You’re just a newbie, that’s why. You see all these beautiful women? Once they put their hands on you, everything just falls away.”
Jongin would beg to differ. For the first time in his life, he feels as if he’s no longer a member of Japan’s strongest military group. He feels like a newborn calf just beginning to open its eyes while in the presence of hungry wolves nearby.
“Anyway, Chanyeol. Are we there yet?” Jongin’s hand never leaves his unsheathed sword, “The crooks around here are going to figure out who we are.”
Chanyeol glances around and motions Jongin near an overshadowed pass just next to a small bar. The red light seems to die out as they continue further down the way.
“Yeah, yeah I hear you commander. This place is exclusive, so we’ll be there in just a few..Ah! Here we are.”
Jongin’s hand relaxes around his sword’s sheath as they stand in front of a door that’s lit by a single lantern on the top. There’s no sign; just a solid black door with a golden knob on its side.
“Alright. Pay attention to this.” Chanyeol says before he gently raps his knuckles against the door. It’s a rhythmic pattern; tap, tap tap, tap, tap tap tap.
Within seconds the door is swung open. Jongin’s eyes widen a little when they’re met with the ghostly pale face of who he assumes to be another geisha.
“Looks like you brought a little friend along, mm?” The geisha smiles with hollow sincerity as she eyes Jongin up and down.
“Yeah, he’s here to relax,” Chanyeol nods, “Do you mind showing him around first? I’ve got a little meeting with you know who.”
“Sure thing love. He’s on the second floor, as always.”
Jongin thinks he’s heard the geisha wrong.
He? He thinks. He opens his mouth to ask Chanyeol but the captain is already rushing from sight inside.
“C’mon little police man,” The geisha laughs, “Let’s find you some relaxation.”
When Jongin steps inside, he’s met with the strong whiff of cigarettes and alcohol. The sound of cackling men and women can be heard, and he’s half blinded by the sheer amount of golden light within each of the rooms. He sees the beautifully adorned geishas with their slick black hair and taunting pale skin just barely showing above their kimonos. He sees some of the men in a drunken stupor, just completely absorbed by the luxury and fantasy of the women around him.
The brilliant vice commander is taken aback. He doesn’t belong here.
Jongin jumps a little when a cool hand grabs onto his shoulder.
“So now you see it, don’t you darling? It’s so wonderful.”
Jongin remains quiet.
“Why don’t you tell me your type? Unless you’ve got a wife at home waiting for you, I suspect you won’t have a problem with picking them out,” The geisha gently ushers him along past the rooms of men, down to a corridor that appears to be some sort of display room.
Standing on podiums that line the edges of the room are prostitutes. He knows the geisha image is just a front; it sells like a fetish, considering how the geisha are not actually prostitutes by tradition. Some sway side to side in a slow tuneless dance, trying to catch favorable light on their own figures. Others choose to sit, with jade kiseru pipes between their lips.
The sight in and of itself leaves Jongin with a bitter taste in his mouth. He can only assume that most of these women never would've chosen their given profession, had life treated them kindly.
As Jongin and the host geisha near the end of the room, he almost decides to call it a night before he sees them.
There have only been a few moments in Jongin’s life that he would dare call beautiful. And here, in this shaded whore house within the red light district, Jongin thinks the sight before him puts those precious moments to shame.
…
For a moment he forgets that the woman before him is a prostitute; even though her gaze is focused towards the ground, her evasive position fails to mask her effervescent presence; pearl dusted complexion and moon swept lips sit comfortably above a pointed chin. Their eyes meet for a brief second and Jongin forgets to inhale all together.
“Her name is Sehuna, in case you were wondering.”
Jongin watches as Sehuna turns her head off to the side, revealing the pink that begins to arise in her skin.
“She’s…” Jongin starts but trails off midway. He can’t bring himself to focus on anything else.
“Gorgeous, I know. Here, I’ll let you take a closer look.”
Jongin stumbles with his words, “No, no that’s really okay-”
“Sehuna! This young man here wants to see you. Come down, please.” The geisha uses a single hand to motion Sehuna down towards them.
Jongin realizes that standing face to face is so much more gratifying than just having to admire from afar. He feels his heart soar, but at the same time he has a hard time trying to find any words at all.
“It’s a pleasure to be meeting you.” Sehuna says as she dips into a small bow. Jongin does the same in return and is just about to reply before the geisha gently nudges him in the shoulder.
“Sorry to break it to you, but I’ve got to tend to other customers. Since it’s your first time, this one is on the house.” She whispers quietly into Jongin’s ear before turning to Sehuna.
“Sehuna, could you please take commander Jongin up to your quarters? You know how it is around here, love. I’ll see you later!”
The other simply nods before the geisha turns to leave the room, leaving them alone amidst the other prostitutes.
For a few moments they simply look at each other. To Jongin’s dismay, it seems as if they’re both shy types. But he decides just this once to try and take initiative, despite the awkward situation.
“I’m..I’m sorry if this is bothersome to you.”
Sehuna shakes her head.
“It really isn’t, commander. Do you mind following me? I live upstairs.”
There’s a soft glow behind the sound of Sehuna’s voice that’s soothing to the ears. Jongin doesn’t think he’d mind at all if he could simply listen all day.
“Alright. Lead the way.”
Side by side, the pair finds themselves weaving through the twisted hallways of the building. Again, there’s laughter and the clinking of glass to be heard. Here and there, people call out Sehuna’s name, only to be met with another small smile of hers.
Standing so close to Sehuna makes Jongin notice how tall she actually is. In fact, she seems to have an inch or two on him.
When they reach the second floor, everything becomes quiet. There are hallways that are barely lit by the dim glow of light behind paper. All of the doors are closed, but as they make their way through, Jongin thinks he can hear a few noises here and there; noises that cause the tips of his ears to turn red.
Sehuna finally stops in front of one of the doors, glancing side to side before sliding it open.
“After you.” She says, moving out of the way.
Jongin nods and steps inside the room.
He can’t exactly make anything out until Sehuna lights one of the lanterns in the room. When he finally can see, he notices that the furnishing is simple and quaint; there’s a cherrywood desk in the far corner and a large futon on the center of the floor. On the desk he sees paint brushes and rice paper; there’s some jewelry as well.
“This is..” Jongin starts.
“It’s plain, I know.” Sehuna sighs, “Would you like some tea? I can have someone bring it up for us.”
“I’m fine, thank you.” Jongin takes a few steps around the room before he hears Sehuna speak again.
“So...Are you another one of them?”
Jongin blinks. Sehuna’s voice has become noticeably deeper.
“One of who..?” He responds tentatively. The air is beginning to feel somewhat uneasy.
Sehuna slowly approaches Jongin, eyes questioning before she responds,
“Are you also interested in men?”
Now that sends Jongin spinning. Not literally, but in his head he’s going about a thousand miles a second.
“W-what? Did you just say?” He sputters and instinctively reaches for his blade. A bad habit as a result of his line of work.
“Oh my god,” Sehuna’s face drains of color, “You don’t know where you are, do you?”
Jongin glances around once more. Was the room supposed to mutate? This had to be some bad side affect of all that smoke.
“Are you saying then..that you’re not..” Jongin’s almost afraid to say it. Inside he knows the answer, but he hopes his inquiry will put his worries to rest. Jongin knows it’s unlikely. Had the brief warmth he’d felt earlier been because of a man?
“I’m…” Sehuna’s arms wrap protectively over her chest before she manages a reply,
“I’m not a woman, Jongin. This entire house..None of us are.”
…
Jongin feels sick. So this was why it’d been so hidden.
Although the red light district was run outside of the regulations of the shogunate, same sex relations were completely illegal. Jongin had always heard of numerous accounts of both women and men being found without their heads when exposed. It was gruesome how they’d always died; it was always a result of hatred from those around them.
When Jongin looks towards the other male, he can see the fear just beginning to emerge within their eyes. Jongin was the vice commander of the special police force; Sehuna had every reason to be afraid.
“Tell me your real name.” Jongin says, hand dropping from its previous position on his sword.
Sehuna visibly relaxes when he sees Jongin’s change of position, and little by little, that same allure that had caught Jongin’s eye can be seen again.
“My real name isn’t so different. It’s just Sehun.”
Jongin sighs and drags a few fingers through his hair. He’s almost annoyed at the man’s genuineness. He’d just been tricked but for some reason he can’t find it in himself to be mad. If this was one of his own men, he’d have forced them to commit sepukku already.
“So everyone else here is just like you then?”
Sehun nods and begins to wipe at his own lips with the back of his hand.
“We cater to the men who can’t be themselves on the outside. I’m sure you’d know..Seeing that you’re a policeman and all.”
“But all those prostitutes...They were unrecognizable.” Jongin watches Sehun as he begins to work at his wig. The once woman standing before him is slowly unpeeling her shell; from high end prostitute to average man. Even so, that unsettling feeling doesn’t seem to sway at all.
Sehun laughs. It sounds forced.
“Well, when we can’t become stunning fighters like you.. We’ve got to do something for a living.”
“But this?” Jongin almost continues but stops midway when he looks back towards Sehun again.
Without the makeup, the hair, and the blaring lights; Jongin sees a boy. A boy with soft eyes and light skin. A boy with the same pair of curved lips and defined jaw.
The Sehun he’d seen downstairs was beautiful. But the Sehun before him now is.. Glowing. Wonderous. Breathtaking.
His head tongues a thousand lines of regulation, to be loyal to your men, to rather die by your own hands than become prisoner; nothing in the books could’ve ever prepared Jongin for this.
But his heart is strumming away at his heartstrings; playing a tune that he’s never heard before. It’s shameless and raw and terrifying; everything that Jongin has always lived without.
Jongin’s too lost in his own discord to notice that Sehun’s come even closer, hand gently clasped around the hem of his sleeve.
“Jongin?”
The vice commander blinks himself out of his thoughts and finds himself completely still beneath Sehun’s gaze.
“What is it?”
Sehun sighs and drops his head.
“I just wanted to apologize to you. You know, in my situation, I can’t give you anything to compensate but I-”
“It’s fine.” Jongin gently places his hand over Sehun’s, giving it a brief squeeze before stepping back out of his reach.
“Stay safe, alright? I know I have my own obligations to the law, but I’ll keep your secret, if you keep mine.” Jongin thinks he can see a brief hint of disappointment upon Sehun’s features when he pulls away. Perhaps a figment of his wistful imagination.
“Does this mean you’ll be leaving then? I mean, for good.” Sehun keeps his hands clasped together, now with nothing to hold onto.
“I don’t have any business here. I’m sure you know that.” Jongin shifts in his boots, “Unless..”
The brief glimmer of hope that Sehun catches in Jongin’s voice immediately causes his head to snap into full attention.
“Would you see me again?” Sehun asks, closing the distance between them once again. He doesn’t ask before gently brushing the tips of his fingers against the surface of Jongin’s hand.
Jongin immediately knows the answer in his head.
Yes.
Maybe.
But rationally, he knows it would be a bad idea. If anyone aside from Chanyeol knew that Jongin was here- the reputation of his and the Shinsengumi’s could be at stake.
But when he sees that look in Sehun’s eyes; the look that so subtly reads please come back, Jongin knows it's no use to resist.
“When?” He asks.
A smile blooms on Sehun’s face and Jongin feels his entire system malfunction.
“Tomorrow night? I’m not working tomorrow, but I’ll be here. In my private quarters.”
“And...will you look..” Jongin lets his eyes fall upon the bright, dazzling kimono that Sehun has on.
“I’ll be in a plain yukata. This is just for show. If that's what you were going to ask.” Sehun chuckles.
“I'll see you here then.” Jongin straightens and slowly begins to make his way back towards the door. Sehun trails behind quietly.
Somehow saying goodbye makes it all seem somewhat surreal. It's still a little confusing to him, especially when his feelings are still awry.
“Good night Sehun.” Jongin bows his head briefly and steps backwards out the door before he's jerked forward. He looks down and before anything can be said, shy lips find solace against his cheek.
“Goodnight Mr. Policeman.” Sehun’s whispers warm on Jongin skin and it's all too soon when he pulls away.
Jongin reddens and watches, dumbfounded as Sehun slides the door shut with a grin.
Kim Jongin, widely known as the demon vice commander of the Shinsengumi police force, was officially mush.
…
The next morning brings nothing but routine to Jongin. At the crack of 5 am, everyone is lined up in the courtyard in pristine order and condition. The day’s duties are simple; patrol the streets of Edo, and keep a watch out for the rebels.
Up until recently, there hasn’t been much action in terms of rebel activity. But it has been one of the largest sources of stress for Jongin.
“Vice commander?”
Jongin stops in his tracks and turns his head. It’s Luhan.
The famous sadist with some of the sharpest skills Jongin has ever seen. In fact, that only reason that Luhan isn’t in Jongin’s position right now is his lack of self control.
“Is something the matter?”
Luhan smiles. It’s unsettling, as usual. “Do you mind if I accompany you? There are some things I’d like to discuss.”
Jongin simply nods before beginning to walk again.
“I hear a strike is set to commence near the end of the year,” Luhan mutters, “The shogun is going to hide behind the face of a double for the time being.”
Jongin reaches inside of his jacket for the packet of cigarettes he usually carries around. He’s about to light one before he remembers his ‘date’ for tonight. It’d make a bad impression if he smelled of tobacco.
“Why didn’t I hear about this first?” Jongin asks.
Luhan shrugs and takes the loose cigar from Jongin’s hand. “It’s a tentative observation. But it’s not completely bizarre.” Jongin sighs in response and offers Luhan the lighter which he gladly accepts.
“That crazy son of a bitch Zitao is determined to stain this entire village with blood,” Luhan mutters before exhaling the gray smoke, “Problem is, we haven’t got a single tail on him since two months ago.”
The name brings Jongin’s hairs on end.
Huang Zitao was the notorious rebel whose tactics and sheer amount of skill by the sword were known to be legendary. Alone, he’d claimed hundreds upon hundreds of life. It was never for the sake of honor; just for the sake of killing.
“I’ll keep scouting, if that’s what you’re implying. Can you also assign Chanyeol an actual perimeter? He lounges around too much.” Jongin pockets the lighter again and quickens his pace. The sky’s not getting any lighter and the last thing he wants is to be held up. The image of Sehun just waiting there alone doesn’t exactly put Jongin to rest.
Would you see me again?
Jongin pinks beneath his collar.
“Stay safe lousy commander! If you never come back, I’ll fill in for you!”
Jongin waves Luhan off and absentmindedly reaches into his yukata before scowling.
That was his last cigarette.
Days like these often begin and end with Jongin peering through the shops and streets. He sees children offer him wide warm smiles, with the elderly complimenting him constantly about the hard work he does for everyone. It’s a small part of the job that gives him a sense of direction. Especially when it often involves bloodshed and sacrifice.
When the sun begins to dip beneath the clouds, Jongin slowly begins to make his way towards Yoshiwara; the red light district. Just for today he sheds his uniform in exchange for the yukata he wears off duty. It's also to avoid any unwanted attention of course.
With every step Jongin attempts to take, is another he takes backwards. The last time he’d been on a ‘date’ or an outing with someone was with Chanyeol’s older sister. She was normal in comparison to Chanyeol, but she ended up running away with some rich politician.
Not that Jongin really cared.
It’s a bit more natural for him when he approaches that familiar alleyway. He knocks in the same pattern, and the same geisha greets him at the door. They exchange brief smiles before he sees them lean in close.
“You remember the stairway, right? Sehun’s up there for you.”
“Yes I do. Thank you,” Jongin nods with a bow.
“Don’t need to be formal around here commander! Relax, remember?” She calls after him.
…
“You really came,” Sehun slowly pours some tea into the cup Jongin’s holding. “I hope I’m not..putting anyone’s life at risk with you coming here. I know the work you do is demanding.”
“It’s fine,” Jongin assures the other, “I hardly take my days off, so I’m actually encouraged to do things like this.”
He takes a moment to look Sehun over. Even without the kimono, wig, and make-up, Sehun is still somewhat feminine in the frailty of his features. His hands bear no calluses, and his skin appears to have never once seen the sun. In noticing this, Jongin doesn’t feel all that deceived anymore. What he’d seen in the first place, was quite true to reality. Even the height, unfortunately.
“I know everything is still weird for you. I really didn’t mean to trick you or anything, I promise-” Sehun’s head drops as he mouths his apology.
“You don’t need to apologize. I didn’t think that was your motive. I should be apologizing for scaring you the other day without asking for an explanation.”
Sehun finds it in himself to smile a little, “Your shoulders.. They’re so square when you talk, you know.”
There it was again. The very smile that’d so easily chipped away at the surface of his gray affections. He’d survived through one or two romance novels in his years as a student. Jongin wonders if this is what the main protagonist must’ve felt.
“...Jongin? What’s the matter?” Sehun asks as he leans across the table just slightly.
Jongin shakes his head and lets his shoulders drop. “I’m sorry. I was just thinking.. Where are you from?”
Sehun blinks, taken aback. Jongin wonders if his question was a little too straightforward.
“The countryside,” He answers calmly, allowing the atmosphere to slowly melt into the moment, “My father was a farmer. My mother taught arithmetic, and I had one older brother. As you can probably guess, I’m a poor man’s son. Or, at least I was,” The chuckle that follows swims just above the boundary between simple memory and angst.
Gently, Jongin asks, “Is your family..?”
“Both passed away. My brother as well. I don’t feel that comfortable with going into details, so I hope you’ll forgive me for that.”
Sehun’s eyes linger down upon his own hands before he manages to straighten; like the clouds after a fit of rain, the mist in his eyes parts quickly.
“What about you?”
“My father is my boss as of now,” Jongin answers, “And my mother’s also deceased. Some difficulties with my younger sister’s birth.”
It’s a sad memory but it doesn’t deter the vice commander as much as it once used to.
“Hey.. Jongin, can I ask you something?” Sehun asks.
“Go ahead.”
“Have you.. Ever been with a man before? I mean, romantically of course.”
Jongin coughs on his tea.
“No.. But merely because of the things I’ve witnessed. Growing up a commander’s son, you.. Tend to see a lot of things you don’t want to see. But what about you? I’d only imagine-”
“Hey, hey. I might be a prostitute,” Sehun cuts in, voice lowering progressively, “But.. I have a dream. I’m more to life than just this, so don’t worry. I only asked because you seemed scared to death the other day.”
The Vice commander slowly produces a cigarette from his pocket before nudging it towards Sehun.
“So. Tell me, what is your dream?”
…
Over the course of the next few months, Jongin continues to learn more and more about the quiet boy within the red district.They don’t always meet in Sehun’s room. Sometimes, they just sit and talk in the tea shop across the street. Other times, Jongin takes him back to his old, abandoned dojo.
He learns that Sehun was once a Samurai’s apprentice. He also learns that Sehun hates green tea, smoking, and rain. On the other hand, Sehun loves traveling to the ocean, scarfing down mochi stuffed with adzuki beans, and daydreaming.
Getting to know Sehun is nothing like turning the pages of a book. It’s Sehun who makes Jongin wait on a blank page until he chooses to pen something in. Of course, Jongin lets him.
Amidst all of this, Jongin begins to realize that this is the first time he’s ever focused on someone else other than those in his work vicinity. In all of his years of living, Jongin has never once experienced interest in women or men further than their name and ability.
It’s always been about what, rather than why.
But one look at Sehun tells him that his heart must’ve had a reason for being so dormant. Time is a precious thing, and Jongin has worked all of his life to save it. But when it comes to being with Sehun- hours, minutes or seconds; none of it is ever a waste. It’s characterless when they’re together. Regardless of the rules, Jongin’s chest shamelessly blooms in a color only triggered by the ever growing affection he feels. There’s no mistaking it.
This is different. Sehun is different.
However, as much Jongin wishes to think about Sehun, he also can’t stop thinking about the looming danger that Zitao is about to bring. Where is he going to strike? Who first? There are so many people he needs to protect, so many lives at stake-
“Jongin? Earth to Jongin,” Sehun quietly slips his palm over Jongin’s hand. Silently, their fingers intertwine and Jongin’s worries slip away.
It’s an odd ritual they share. Always beginning with Jongin becoming silent, and ending with Sehun’s fingers between his own. It brings him back.
At this point, Jongin knows that what he feels for Sehun is real. At first it’d just been him wandering into blackened waters; his confusion had a vice grip around his throat, and the threat of his reputation certainly kept his attraction at bay. Nothing was logical about the way he felt, and in all honesty, he could care less. If what he’d heard about love was true, then perhaps this was it.
However, there’s still a part of him that lingers on the fact that Sehun is a prostitute by occupation. Every time they meet, there’s either a new bruise, or a certain sensitivity that Sehun tries to hide while they walk. Jongin knows he shouldn’t try to pry into Sehun’s reasons for continuing to give himself to other clients, but still. He just wishes he could take Sehun away from all of that.
“Sorry, I’m just..”
“You’re thinking again, I know.” Sehun brings Jongin’s palm towards his cheek before resting against it, “I’m here to listen to you if something’s going on. If you don’t unload at least once, you’ll seriously grow old a million times faster. It’s true, I promise.”
“Sehun...You and your crazy claims are what will make me old.” Jongin jokes before sighing, “I don’t know. My whole team has been up all night anticipating the arrival of a revolutionary who is a serious threat. As in, a whole town massacre threat. If he gets his hands on the shogun...We could all be lost.”
“A revolutionary,” Sehun pauses, stuck partially in thought, “Do you..happen to know their name?”
Something about the way Sehun asks turns Jongin’s stomach a little.
“...His name is Zitao.”
Instantly, Sehun pales.
“Jongin,” His voice wavers as he drops Jongin’s hand from his own, “I don’t... know how to tell you this but…”
“But what?”
“I’m sleeping with him.”
…
Jongin’s stomach takes a turn for the worst. He also feels humiliatingly stupid and mediocre for not being able to catch the nation’s most notorious criminal who has been under his nose the whole time.
Sehun’s sleeping with other people has been a bittersweet happening that Jongin has tried his hardest to look over, but the fact that he’s sleeping with such a dangerous, cruel man is beyond him.
Zitao could have easily slit Sehun’s throat in his sleep. Hell, he could’ve burned the entirety of this building down. But he hadn’t..Why?
“Jongin..? Look, if it’s him you’re looking for, I can help you-”
Jongin cuts Sehun off almost immediately.
“Sehun, you don’t get it. He could slaughter you, and everyone here,” He rises to his feet just as his voice begins to do the same. Habitually, he paces.
“Fucking hell. How often does he come in here?”
“Only once a week. Wednesday evenings,” Sehun answers like clockwork. The younger of the two quickly manages a grasp upon Jongin’s shoulder. The muscle is tense beneath his touch.
“Please..Calm down,” Sehun pleads, “Like I was saying earlier, you can use me for this,”
“But I don’t want to use you, Sehun. Not like that. You’re asking me to let you die.” Jongin argues.
Sehun huffs amusedly.
“I’m not going to die. I told you my dream, remember? I won’t let a crazy man take that away from me,” Sehun lets his hands fall comfortably onto Jongin’s hips before turning him around in his direction, “From us.”
Jongin is met at a crossroads. As much as he wants to try and find another way, he knows that Sehun could be the key in trapping Zitao for good. But at what cost? What if Sehun did get killed, and Zitao got away? The mere inkling of that possibility makes Jongin’s head feel light.
Sehun was more to him than the safety of the people. Sehun was his own selfish desire, the only thing he had wholly to himself.
The risk is terrifying, and it holds Jongin’s will completely prisoner. He knows Sehun’s trying to make light of the situation, but his eyes don’t mask the tinge of fear that exists in attempting this. He knows it just as well as Jongin does. This is life or death.
“I’m… I can’t handle losing you,” Jongin admits quietly without meeting Sehun’s gaze, “I’ve always tried my best to keep this safe. What you and I have, it’s like being stuck in a dream that allows you to breath free. No consequences, just...Us.”
Sehun leans forward, just barely touching his forehead against his lover’s.
“What we have has never been about outrunning death, Jongin,” He says, “You’re the vice commander of our elite police force, and I sell myself for a living. Not to mention that we’re both men. We have existed, constantly, in life or death situations,” Sehun takes a moment to gently trace the backs of his fingertips against Jongin’s cheek. Sullen, they both meet eyes again.
“I don’t love you because of your ability to keep me safe,” Sehun chuckles sadly, “I love you because of the man you are. You’re collected, but also sensitive to the needs of others around you. You’re always looking over your shoulder for my sake, even when I trail behind by only a little bit. No matter who kills me, whether it’s Zitao or old age; my heart will know its direction for the rest of time. I’ll never be lost, because of you.”
Jongin’s trying his best to hold back the tears that begin to overwhelm his sense of discipline. He knows what Sehun is saying is true. They have been flirting with death since the beginning of their relationship, and if death is what they deserve, then so be it in the end.
“Are you in love with me, Sehun?”
The other man hums.
“I think the real question is...Are you?”
Jongin thinks back to when he’d first met Sehun. He’d been shocked beyond belief, but disgust had never emerged from within him. Instead, his fondness only began to grow after that first meeting in that old tea shop. Just weeks later, he’d find himself exchanging hushed yet passionate kisses beneath the roof of his old dojo.
“Is this okay?” Jongin was nervous.
“Yeah, just...Lean into me.” Sehun replied behind a small smile.
No longer would he have to question himself anymore. With the warmth of Sehun’s lips against his own, Jongin finally felt himself falling deep into Sehun, farther than the law could ever allow.
“I am,” Jongin confesses.
“Then trust me,” Sehun pulls Jongin just a little closer, “Let me do this.”
Finally, the hesitation permanently sinks beneath the surface as Jongin confirms the voice of his love into the body of the boy he loves most in this world. He whispers desperately into the quiet of the night, begging whatever higher power for the placing of his trust to hold true. That Sehun will be safe, and that he can save the people who depend on him.
…
“ZiTao is in Yoshiwara. Or at least, he’s been seen there frequently.”
From across the table, Lu han snickers. Chanyeol pales.
“Vice Commander, who told you this?”
“I have a friend of mine who works in the district. He’s seen him.”
Lu Han quirks a brow. He remains leaned back into his chair, idly wiping away at the blade in his hand.
“I’ll ignore the fact that you’re a terrible liar. But I trust that if it’s Zitao we’re talking about, you’re being honest.”
Jongin nods.
“The shogun has already been gone for awhile. At this point, the only thing we have to lose is civilian related. Our men have been ready- hell, I’d say they’ve been waiting to finally act on a lead.”
“Exactly where, does Zitao frequent?” Chanyeol asks.
“It’s a prostitution house.” Jongin answers quietly.
Lu Han remains unfazed before standing up.
“I’ll try to devise a plan with the men I have. Vice Commander, I’ll come to you with it by the end of today- please be ready to have a meeting with the rest of our force by then. We’ll need all the bodies we can get.”
“I’ll be waiting then,” Jongin confirms, “Could you leave me and Chanyeol? I have something private to discuss with him.”
Lu Han bows his head quickly before sliding the door shut behind him.
“Chanyeol,” Jongin starts before lowering his voice, “If you want Baekhyun safe, you better tell him to escape before Wednesday arrives.”
“But what about the others…?”
“We can’t let a large amount of people leave. It’ll be suspicious, and it’ll risk the operation.”
Chanyeol opens his mouth to reply, but instead he merely sighs.
“And what about...”
“Don’t,” Jongin warns, “He’ll be fine.”
Chanyeol straightens and eases himself out of the chair he’s been sitting in. He dips his head, and leaves Jongin behind in the quiet of his room.
“He’ll be fine…” He murmurs to himself, “Just..Fine.”
“Vice Commander?”
Jongin jumps when he hears someone call for him from outside the door.
“Uh, yes?”
“There’s a woman here who wishes to speak to you. We don’t have her in our record books, nor does she possess any form of invitation.”
Who was it then?
“I’ll go out. Please tell her to wait outside near the gate,” Jongin says.
“Yes sir.”
…
It’s still somewhat light outside when Jongin makes his way towards the entrance. Slowly, as he nears the figure standing just next to the gate, it becomes clear that the woman is someone he knows.
It’s the head geisha, Akari.
And she looks...furious.
“You…!” Her lips thin as her palm strikes Jongin across the face. It’s so sudden, causing Jongin to stumble back.
“He’s just a boy you sick war animal,” She seethes, “How dare you use him for your militaristic plights?! Are you insane?! Don’t think all of the people in this town don’t know who Zitao is-”
“You’re telling me this, but you’ve been letting Sehun sleep with a man who’s the real war animal,” Jongin gains ground again before continuing, “I should be asking you as to why you let Sehun take a client like that.”
“Go to hell,” Akari spits, “I may be the head of that building, but Sehun is one of the few employees I have that takes care of his own schedule. You think I’d let him keep going on like this if I knew? Only Sehun knows who he’s meeting with,” She exhales, and her tone softens as she continues, “All of those men...They’re more to me than just sources of income. Losing one is like a hen losing one of her chicks. Especially, when it comes to Sehun. He’s the youngest one.”
“You won’t lose Sehun,” Jongin withdraws a cigarette from his pocket and tucks it between his lips, “So don’t think about this anymore.”
Quietly, Jongin turns away and begins his short trek back to his living quarters.
“Promise me they’ll be safe.” Akari says into the air between them.
Jongin stops. He decides against lighting the cigarette and crushes it into the ground with his heel.
…
“You know something Jongin?” Sehun asks, eyes peering up at the other’s from their lap.
“Mm?”
“You never told me your dream.” He answers.
It’s well into the evening on a Monday, and Jongin finds himself sitting with Sehun’s head on his lap as they rest on the straw patio of his abandoned dojo.
His dream?
Jongin keeps his gaze straight ahead. His eyes fall onto the aging bark of a tree that has lost all of its leaves.
It’s not a word he hears often: ‘dream’.
“I don’t think I...Well, isn’t what I’m doing right now my dream?” Jongin shifts his head so that Sehun is within view again. It’s weird. It almost sounds like he’s asking himself the same question aloud.
“Doesn’t sound like it,” Sehun says with a laugh, “But for real. Isn’t there anything you want out of this life? What would fulfill you?”
Jongin breathes in the sound of the little crickets that sing into the air.
In truth, he’d always imagined himself wanting to be a father someday. He wouldn’t want to live in such a crowded town. Somewhere quiet, with vast fields would be nice.
But… at the same time, those things don’t appeal to him as much as they used to. Most likely because of the absence of Sehun within those desires.
“I think I’d like to live quietly,” Jongin murmurs, “Maybe have a family of my own in the future with a loyal pet dog. But those are things I can live without, so I don’t know if it could qualify as a dream.”
“I can live without falling asleep to stars every night, Jongin,” Sehun argues lightheartedly, “But...That’s still a dream I have. You know, if you really want to live quietly, then wouldn’t it be nice if we lived on the countryside together? Or maybe an island.”
Jongin wants to believe that Sehun is just kidding around, but a part of him knows that there is some sincerity in Sehun’s words.
“We could,” Jongin agrees. “My dream would be fulfilled then,”
Sehun quirks an eyebrow.
“What about the family you wanted?”
Jongin smiles.
“You’re my family, Sehun.”
“Then it all works out.” Sehun beams up at Jongin as he uses a hand to sift through Jongin’s bangs, “Except for the dog though. But, we could still get one.”
“Yeah…” Jongin leans into Sehun’s touch and closes his eyes as the warmth of his fingertips ease calm into Jongin’s system. Together like this...Jongin feels as if this could be just as good of a dream, if not better.
“Tell me you love me,” Sehun’s eyes shine with youth fueled by the stars from above.
Jongin turns to press his lips against the pulse within Sehun’s wrist. It’s warm.
“I love you,” He says.
Sehun grins and Jongin feels his young heart swell.
“I love you, too.”
To be continued.
